1 00:00:03,235 --> 00:00:05,604 ♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪ 2 00:00:05,671 --> 00:00:09,140 ♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪ 3 00:00:09,208 --> 00:00:12,744 ♪ guys like us we had it made ♪ 4 00:00:12,812 --> 00:00:16,081 [ together ] ♪ those were the days ♪ 5 00:00:16,148 --> 00:00:19,350 ♪ and you knew where you were then ♪ 6 00:00:19,418 --> 00:00:23,387 [ Archie ] ♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪ 7 00:00:23,455 --> 00:00:25,757 [ Archie, Edith ] ♪ mister, we could use a man ♪ 8 00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:29,661 ♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪ 9 00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:33,031 [ Archie ] ♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪ 10 00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:36,334 [ Edith ] ♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪ 11 00:00:36,401 --> 00:00:40,538 [ Archie, Edith ] ♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪ 12 00:00:40,606 --> 00:00:45,677 ♪ those were the days ♪ 13 00:00:58,590 --> 00:01:00,625 hey, did anybody see the sports section? 14 00:01:00,693 --> 00:01:02,894 Oh, daddy probably took it with him this morning. 15 00:01:02,962 --> 00:01:06,131 Took it where? In the cab. He's moonlighting again. 16 00:01:06,198 --> 00:01:08,299 "Moonlighting." Tsk. 17 00:01:08,367 --> 00:01:11,870 That sounds so much more romantic than saying, 18 00:01:11,937 --> 00:01:14,105 "he's driving Mr. munson's cab... 19 00:01:14,173 --> 00:01:17,175 To pick up a few extra bucks." 20 00:01:22,014 --> 00:01:25,516 Gee, thanks for the big hello. Hi, daddy. 21 00:01:25,584 --> 00:01:28,419 [ Edith ] Hello, Archie. Hey, arch, where's the sports section? 22 00:01:28,487 --> 00:01:31,455 Oh, beautiful, beautiful. Listen to that, huh? 23 00:01:31,523 --> 00:01:34,893 I'm out hacking around this town, doing two jobs, 24 00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,495 the meathead sits here on his butt, 25 00:01:37,563 --> 00:01:40,298 says to me, "where's the sports section?" 26 00:01:40,365 --> 00:01:42,633 Get out of the chair! 27 00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:46,838 And, Edith, 28 00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:50,274 suppose there's any chance of having a cup of coffee over here, huh? 29 00:01:50,342 --> 00:01:53,578 Oh, sure, Archie. How was your day? 30 00:01:53,645 --> 00:01:55,947 Oh, like lots of days, Edith: 31 00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,949 Lousy. 32 00:01:58,017 --> 00:02:00,151 Except for one little bright spot that made the day... 33 00:02:00,219 --> 00:02:02,220 What you might call fascinating. 34 00:02:02,287 --> 00:02:06,257 - "Fascinating"? - What's the matter? Don't you like that word? 35 00:02:07,526 --> 00:02:10,294 Guess what famous and important personality... 36 00:02:10,362 --> 00:02:12,663 I carried as a passenger in my cab today? 37 00:02:12,732 --> 00:02:16,467 - Oh, tell us! - Oh, no, no. You ain't gonna get it out of me that easy. 38 00:02:16,535 --> 00:02:18,603 Come on. You gotta guess for this one. 39 00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:21,740 All right. Let's try. I'll go first. 40 00:02:21,807 --> 00:02:23,808 Living or dead? 41 00:02:32,684 --> 00:02:36,287 I was driving a cab, Edith, not a hearse. 42 00:02:36,355 --> 00:02:38,790 Go back to your solitaire, huh? 43 00:02:38,858 --> 00:02:41,126 Give us a hint, daddy. Is he in show business? 44 00:02:41,193 --> 00:02:43,361 Bingo. Give you another hint. 45 00:02:43,428 --> 00:02:45,496 "Bongo, bongo, bongo." 46 00:02:45,564 --> 00:02:48,399 Well, he's either desi arnaz or, knowing you, 47 00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:50,468 he's probably black. 48 00:02:51,536 --> 00:02:53,638 Right. 49 00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:56,707 Black as the ace of spades. 50 00:02:56,776 --> 00:03:01,312 In fact, as far as I'm concerned, this guy is the ace of spades. 51 00:03:02,648 --> 00:03:05,349 For goodness sakes. Archie! 52 00:03:05,417 --> 00:03:10,588 You just said "ace of spades" and I turned up the ace of spades. 53 00:03:10,656 --> 00:03:13,124 You see that in the movies, and you say, 54 00:03:13,192 --> 00:03:15,894 "that wouldn't happen in real life." 55 00:03:15,961 --> 00:03:20,064 But here we are in real life, and it happened. 56 00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:25,804 We're in real life over here, Edith. Would you care to join us? 57 00:03:27,706 --> 00:03:30,775 Was it flip Wilson? No, no, no. 58 00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:32,443 Belafonte? 59 00:03:32,511 --> 00:03:36,347 No, I said black, meathead. Harvey Belafonte ain't black. 60 00:03:39,885 --> 00:03:42,720 He's just a good-looking white guy dipped in caramel. 61 00:03:51,630 --> 00:03:53,698 I'll give youse one more hint, and that's all. 62 00:03:53,765 --> 00:03:55,666 You ready? 63 00:03:55,734 --> 00:03:57,668 ♪ Hey, there ♪ 64 00:03:57,736 --> 00:04:01,239 ♪ you with the star in your eyes ♪ 65 00:04:02,241 --> 00:04:05,109 Rosemary clooney is black? 66 00:04:07,847 --> 00:04:11,115 Daddy, you had Sammy Davis Jr. in your cab? 67 00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:13,251 As sure as you're sitting there. 68 00:04:13,319 --> 00:04:16,754 Could you give us just one more hint? 69 00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:20,959 Could you just play cards with yourself? 70 00:04:21,026 --> 00:04:23,194 Arch, are you sure it was Sammy Davis Jr.? 71 00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:26,030 No, meathead. It was some zulu jockey. 72 00:04:27,266 --> 00:04:29,700 I know the man. Besides, who would give me... 73 00:04:29,768 --> 00:04:33,137 A five-buck tip for a buck-and-a-quarter haul, anyway? 74 00:04:33,205 --> 00:04:35,639 And as fine a gentleman as ever you'd want to meet. 75 00:04:35,707 --> 00:04:39,010 Sat in the back of the cab, talked to be about the weather, all kinds of things, 76 00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:41,312 just like a regular person. 77 00:04:44,149 --> 00:04:47,651 Fact, if it weren't for the rearview mirror there, I'd have thought he was a white guy. 78 00:04:47,719 --> 00:04:50,454 Arch! Why do you got to say things like that for? 79 00:04:50,522 --> 00:04:54,092 What do you mean, "why do I got to say things like that for"? What did I say, anyhow? 80 00:04:54,159 --> 00:04:56,895 Would you listen to these two? You can't say nothin' around here. 81 00:04:56,962 --> 00:04:59,264 They twist around everything you say. 82 00:04:59,331 --> 00:05:02,967 Oh, Edith. You know what? I gave him our names and address... 83 00:05:03,035 --> 00:05:05,503 So he can send us an autographed picture of himself. 84 00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:07,705 Sammy Davis Jr.? Yeah. 85 00:05:07,773 --> 00:05:09,941 Oh, that's wonderful! 86 00:05:10,009 --> 00:05:12,476 Did you tell him how much I like him? 87 00:05:12,544 --> 00:05:16,247 Oh, sure, Edith. That was the first thing I said to him. 88 00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:19,384 Oh, I said, "Sam, you don't have to worry none about your career... 89 00:05:19,451 --> 00:05:23,288 'Cause Edith bunker is right behind you." 90 00:05:23,355 --> 00:05:25,890 I bet he was glad to hear that. 91 00:05:25,958 --> 00:05:28,759 [ Phone ringing ] 92 00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:30,761 Hello. 93 00:05:32,798 --> 00:05:34,966 Who is this? 94 00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,968 Huh? 95 00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:40,238 Uh, hold the phone, will you? Hold the phone just a minute. 96 00:05:40,306 --> 00:05:42,540 You know who I was just talking about right here? 97 00:05:42,607 --> 00:05:45,843 I was just talking about Sammy Davis Jr., right? He's on the telephone right now! 98 00:05:45,911 --> 00:05:48,179 Daddy! He's on the telephone? 99 00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:51,916 He is! Shh! Tell him I'm still behind him. 100 00:05:54,353 --> 00:05:57,055 Will you leave me alone? 101 00:05:57,122 --> 00:05:59,623 Uh, hello, Mr. Davis. I'm sorry there, 102 00:05:59,691 --> 00:06:02,660 but I was just a little startled about being called out of the ordinary that way. 103 00:06:02,727 --> 00:06:05,129 Yeah. What can I do for you? 104 00:06:06,398 --> 00:06:09,567 Oh, that fancy briefcase was yours, huh? 105 00:06:09,634 --> 00:06:13,804 Well, listen, I turned it in at the cab office there. 106 00:06:13,872 --> 00:06:17,675 Oh, geez, had all your important contracts and everything in there, huh? 107 00:06:17,742 --> 00:06:21,145 Well, how could I help you get it back? 108 00:06:21,213 --> 00:06:24,382 Well, no, no, wait a minute. You say you're going out to the airport. 109 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:28,186 That's good, because I can have the briefcase delivered here from the cab office, 110 00:06:28,253 --> 00:06:30,989 and my house is kind of on the way, off northern boulevard there. 111 00:06:31,056 --> 00:06:33,958 You can stop by here and pick it up. 112 00:06:34,026 --> 00:06:37,996 You want to do that? Huh? Hey! 113 00:06:38,063 --> 00:06:40,531 No, it'll be an honor, Mr. Davis. Certainly. 114 00:06:40,599 --> 00:06:42,533 704 hauser street. 115 00:06:42,601 --> 00:06:45,536 Yeah. Yes, sir, Mr. Davis. Yes, sir, Mr. Davis. 116 00:06:45,604 --> 00:06:47,938 Yeah. Good-bye. He's coming over here. 117 00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,741 [ All shouting ] 118 00:06:50,809 --> 00:06:53,244 He's coming over here. Put a lid on it! 119 00:06:55,147 --> 00:06:58,049 He traced me from the address I give him to send us the picture. 120 00:06:58,117 --> 00:07:00,284 You know where he was calling us from? No. Where? 121 00:07:00,352 --> 00:07:04,288 A car. That's right. He's in a limousine right now with a phone in it. 122 00:07:04,356 --> 00:07:07,958 Oh, I want to tell you, some of these coloreds are real classy. 123 00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:10,495 When they've got it, they spend it. 124 00:07:10,562 --> 00:07:13,097 I've got to call munson right now. I got to go fix my face! 125 00:07:13,165 --> 00:07:16,100 Arch, what do you mean, "some of these coloreds are classy"? 126 00:07:16,168 --> 00:07:18,669 Why do you always have to label black people this or that? 127 00:07:18,737 --> 00:07:23,508 Because when they deserve a compliment once in a while, I don't hold it back. 128 00:07:25,411 --> 00:07:28,479 Now will you get away from me? [ Gibberish ] 129 00:07:28,547 --> 00:07:31,149 This and that. Dummy up. 130 00:07:31,216 --> 00:07:34,385 Uh, munson, Archie bunker here. 131 00:07:34,453 --> 00:07:38,622 Hey, that fancy leather suitcase I turned in-- 132 00:07:38,690 --> 00:07:41,859 yeah, well, I'm just on the phone with the owner now, 133 00:07:41,927 --> 00:07:44,195 and I've arranged that he's gonna pick it up here at the house, 134 00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,431 so could you bring it over? 135 00:07:46,498 --> 00:07:50,234 No, no. We don't want to do that, munson, because this is a very, very important guy. 136 00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:52,870 I mean, a biggie. Yeah. 137 00:07:52,938 --> 00:07:55,273 Oh, you'll find out when you get here. 138 00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:58,676 Bring it over, though, huh? Good. Good. Great. Bye. 139 00:07:58,743 --> 00:08:01,446 Okay, it's all set, it's all set. Now, Edith, please. 140 00:08:01,513 --> 00:08:04,748 Don't go blabbing all over the neighborhood that Sammy Davis Jr.'s coming here. 141 00:08:04,816 --> 00:08:06,917 The house is gonna be a mob scene. All right, Archie. 142 00:08:06,985 --> 00:08:08,919 And don't say nothing to Lionel about this. 143 00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:11,021 If he finds out, he'll jump on his tom-tom. 144 00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:14,192 Before you know it, we'll be up to our armpits in jungle bunnies. 145 00:08:16,861 --> 00:08:19,730 Arch, when Sammy Davis gets here, you gonna call him a jungle bunny? 146 00:08:19,798 --> 00:08:24,569 Of course not, you dumbbell. I'm gonna call him Mr. Davis. 147 00:08:24,636 --> 00:08:27,205 Just a minute ago he was the ace of spades. Now he's Mr. Davis? 148 00:08:27,272 --> 00:08:31,175 Because he worked himself up to being called Mr. Davis, and he deserves that, 149 00:08:31,243 --> 00:08:34,945 because in this great country, a man can overcome the unequalness of his color... 150 00:08:35,013 --> 00:08:37,181 And rise to become a great star. 151 00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:40,485 Arch, what do you mean, "unequalness"? 152 00:08:40,552 --> 00:08:44,188 What's the difference between our neighbor Lionel Jefferson and Sammy Davis Jr.? 153 00:08:44,256 --> 00:08:46,957 Ten million dollars and five purple Cadillacs. 154 00:08:49,194 --> 00:08:51,362 Yeah. Bye-bye. 155 00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:53,831 Wait a minute. Who were you just calling here? 156 00:08:53,898 --> 00:08:58,068 Mabel Hefner. She ain't never seen a star up close. 157 00:08:58,137 --> 00:09:00,671 Well, she ain't gonna see one. Not in this house. 158 00:09:00,739 --> 00:09:03,307 You get on the blower and tell her, "April fool." 159 00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:05,443 I can't. She ain't home. 160 00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:07,745 Well, who was you just talking to here? 161 00:09:07,812 --> 00:09:09,747 Her husband, Barney Hefner. 162 00:09:09,814 --> 00:09:13,551 Oh, Barney the bonehead. Oh, he won't tell nobody. 163 00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:16,120 All right, Edith. All right. What's done is done. 164 00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:18,689 But just do this for me, huh? A favor. 165 00:09:18,757 --> 00:09:21,959 When Sammy Davis Jr. gets here, whatever else you blab about, 166 00:09:22,027 --> 00:09:25,163 don't say nothing about his eye, huh? What eye? 167 00:09:25,230 --> 00:09:28,766 Edith, let me tell you. See, one of them is glass. 168 00:09:28,833 --> 00:09:31,769 You'll find out when he gets here which of them, see? 169 00:09:31,836 --> 00:09:35,105 But don't talk about it, all right? Huh? Will you remember that? 170 00:09:35,174 --> 00:09:37,741 Yeah. All right. Now, you got any fried chicken in the kitchen? 171 00:09:37,809 --> 00:09:40,611 'Cause they like to snack on that. 172 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,548 - [ Doorbell rings ] - I'll get it. I'll get the door. 173 00:09:43,615 --> 00:09:48,118 He's here ! Get away from the door, will ya? Get back there! 174 00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:51,689 What's the matter with youse? I'll answer it. 175 00:09:51,756 --> 00:09:54,258 Hi, Mr. bunker. Oh, hi, Lionel. Look. 176 00:09:54,326 --> 00:09:56,860 We got a private matter going on. Could you come back later? 177 00:09:56,928 --> 00:09:59,863 Yeah, Sammy Davis Jr. is coming over. 178 00:10:00,932 --> 00:10:03,834 The dingbat strikes again. 179 00:10:03,902 --> 00:10:07,572 What's going on? Lionel, Sammy Davis Jr. left his briefcase in daddy's cab, 180 00:10:07,639 --> 00:10:10,541 and he's coming by here to pick it up! He's coming here? 181 00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:12,876 [ Doorbell rings ] [ All talking at once ] 182 00:10:12,944 --> 00:10:16,581 Get back, all of youse! Get way back over there! 183 00:10:19,418 --> 00:10:21,819 'Cause I'm the guy that found him. 184 00:10:24,556 --> 00:10:27,592 What's the matter with youse? You'd think it was the second coming. I'll open it up! 185 00:10:27,659 --> 00:10:31,629 Just calm yourselves down. He's an ordinary human being like the rest of us, huh? 186 00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:33,931 Shh! 187 00:10:33,998 --> 00:10:35,933 Mr. bunker? 188 00:10:37,669 --> 00:10:40,371 Sammy Davis! Sammy Davis! There he is! 189 00:10:40,439 --> 00:10:43,874 I told you he was coming! There he is, right out there on the stoop! 190 00:10:43,942 --> 00:10:47,077 Come on in, Mr. Davis. Oh, Mr. Davis, it's an honor. 191 00:10:47,145 --> 00:10:49,179 Oh! Oh! 192 00:10:50,415 --> 00:10:52,916 Welcome to our house! Thank you. 193 00:10:52,984 --> 00:10:55,453 I'm so excited! But then, you can't imagine, 194 00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,623 'cause you never had to meet yourself. 195 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:04,428 Mr. Davis, uh, this is my wife, Edith, laughing over there. 196 00:11:04,496 --> 00:11:06,764 Ha-ha. Shut up. 197 00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:11,736 Mr. Davis, my daughter, Gloria, standing over there. 198 00:11:11,803 --> 00:11:13,738 Hello, Gloria. How do you do? 199 00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:15,740 And her husband, Mike. Hello, Mike. 200 00:11:15,807 --> 00:11:18,142 No! No! 201 00:11:28,186 --> 00:11:30,120 This here is, uh-- 202 00:11:30,188 --> 00:11:33,223 this is only Lionel. He lives next door. 203 00:11:33,292 --> 00:11:36,394 My daughter's married to the white guy over here. 204 00:11:36,461 --> 00:11:39,163 How are you? 205 00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:41,499 It certainly is nice to meet all of you nice people, 206 00:11:41,566 --> 00:11:43,934 but I think I'd better take the old briefcase and run. 207 00:11:44,002 --> 00:11:45,936 And incidentally, Mr. bunker, 208 00:11:46,004 --> 00:11:48,339 here's a little something for your-- for your trouble. 209 00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:52,610 Oh, geez. Twenty dollars. Oh, no, Mr. Davis. 210 00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:54,912 Archie don't need no reward... 211 00:11:54,979 --> 00:11:57,247 For doing something for you. 212 00:11:57,316 --> 00:12:00,685 Edith, don't insult the guest in your own home, huh? 213 00:12:00,752 --> 00:12:03,220 She don't know what she's saying there, Mr. Davis. 214 00:12:06,391 --> 00:12:08,592 And, uh, listen. I just put in a call. 215 00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:11,662 The briefcase is coming over. Be here any minute. All right. 216 00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:13,864 Well, in the meantime, will you make yourself at home, huh? 217 00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:15,933 We get you some coffee? Well, that's awfully nice of you. 218 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,168 Sit right down here, Mr. Davis. Right in my chair. 219 00:12:18,236 --> 00:12:20,338 Make yourself comfortable. It's the best in the house. 220 00:12:20,405 --> 00:12:23,140 Listen, Mr. Davis, I got to tell my mother you're here. She's crazy about you. 221 00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:25,409 Lionel, don't go, huh? Lionel! 222 00:12:26,878 --> 00:12:29,547 Come on, youse two. Get over here. 223 00:12:29,614 --> 00:12:31,615 Edith, make the coffee, huh? 224 00:12:31,683 --> 00:12:35,052 And Edith-- excuse me, Mr. Davis. Edith, Edith, Edith. 225 00:12:35,119 --> 00:12:37,221 Remember, huh? Nothing about mm-mmm! 226 00:12:37,288 --> 00:12:40,391 Well, Mr. Davis, I want to tell you, 227 00:12:40,459 --> 00:12:42,660 it's a real honor to have you in our home, 228 00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:44,895 thank you. Breaking bread with us this way. 229 00:12:44,963 --> 00:12:47,097 I was just saying to my family before you came in, 230 00:12:47,165 --> 00:12:51,168 I said, "Sammy Davis Jr. is maybe the greatest credit to his race." 231 00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:55,339 Well, thank you very much. I'm sure you've done good for yours too. 232 00:12:58,877 --> 00:13:01,111 I try. 233 00:13:01,179 --> 00:13:04,782 Here we are! Ah, thank you, Mrs. bunker. 234 00:13:04,850 --> 00:13:07,918 Thanks, Edith. That's all right. I can serve Mr. Davis. 235 00:13:07,986 --> 00:13:10,220 Edith, get out of here. 236 00:13:11,656 --> 00:13:15,426 Now, Mr. Davis, do you take cream and sugar in your eye? 237 00:13:26,838 --> 00:13:29,507 Mr. Davis, it's really my fault. 238 00:13:29,574 --> 00:13:33,210 You see, Archie thought I was gonna say something about your eye. 239 00:13:33,278 --> 00:13:35,813 Edith, please. 240 00:13:35,881 --> 00:13:38,516 Mr. Davis, could we maybe offer you something maybe a little stronger? 241 00:13:38,583 --> 00:13:40,785 A little fleischmann's and ginger, very smooth? 242 00:13:40,852 --> 00:13:43,921 Oh, no, Mr. bunker. This is fine. As a matter of fact, I'm off the sauce. 243 00:13:43,988 --> 00:13:45,956 Booze is a definite no-no for me. 244 00:13:46,024 --> 00:13:48,893 [ Giggling ] I just love the way you talk. 245 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,095 I mean, this must seem so dull after Hollywood and all. 246 00:13:52,163 --> 00:13:54,097 Oh, I don't know about that, Gloria. 247 00:13:54,165 --> 00:13:56,700 There may be Wilder things going on in new Rochelle than in Hollywood. 248 00:13:56,768 --> 00:13:59,336 What part of new Rochelle? 249 00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:02,339 Edith! 250 00:14:02,407 --> 00:14:04,542 We got cousins there. 251 00:14:04,609 --> 00:14:06,544 They burn incense. 252 00:14:06,611 --> 00:14:09,513 Who cares? I hate them anyway! 253 00:14:10,816 --> 00:14:12,750 Get me a beer, huh? 254 00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:15,285 And Edith, a glass this time, huh? 255 00:14:15,353 --> 00:14:18,021 And open up a fresh box of twinkies for Mr. Davis. 256 00:14:22,727 --> 00:14:24,795 Twinkies? 257 00:14:24,863 --> 00:14:27,431 Yeah, that's kind of a wasp soul food. 258 00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,669 Uh, don't, uh, listen to him. 259 00:14:31,736 --> 00:14:34,104 He's kind of a meathead, Mr. Davis. 260 00:14:34,172 --> 00:14:36,574 Look, why don't you stop calling me Mr. Davis and just call me Sam? 261 00:14:36,641 --> 00:14:38,742 Oh, hey, I'd like to do that. Okay. 262 00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:40,744 "Sam." Yeah, that's nice. 263 00:14:40,812 --> 00:14:43,413 And you can call me Archie. I mean, what the hell? 264 00:14:46,217 --> 00:14:51,489 Sam, where you flying out to tonight? Las Vegas, maybe? 265 00:14:51,556 --> 00:14:53,757 No, I have a tv special to do in Hollywood. 266 00:14:53,825 --> 00:14:56,293 Ohh. Gee, that's beautiful. Yeah. 267 00:14:56,361 --> 00:14:58,762 Yeah. Well, while you're hanging around, 268 00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:02,432 will you give us a little preview, one of the songs you're gonna do? 269 00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,434 Daddy-y! 270 00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:07,771 Mr. Davis makes his living entertaining. You're asking him to go to work. 271 00:15:07,839 --> 00:15:10,073 Yeah, arch. How would you like to be a guest in somebody's house, 272 00:15:10,141 --> 00:15:13,644 and they said, "come on, arch. Do some packing and lifting for us." 273 00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:25,455 Here's your beer, Archie. 274 00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:28,993 And here's your twinkie, Mr. Davis. 275 00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:33,430 [ Mouths words ] [ Doorbell rings ] 276 00:15:33,498 --> 00:15:36,099 Oh, that's some pest at the front door. I'll get it. 277 00:15:36,167 --> 00:15:38,468 [ Doorbell buzzing ] There goes the back door. Get that, Edith. 278 00:15:38,537 --> 00:15:41,338 You see? They're crawling out of the woodwork now! 279 00:15:42,841 --> 00:15:45,776 Oh, look! Barney Hefner with a camera! Where is he? 280 00:15:45,844 --> 00:15:49,179 Ha-ha! There he is! Sammy Davis Jr. 281 00:15:49,247 --> 00:15:51,982 Can I have an autograph, Mr. Davis? Aw, come on, Barney! 282 00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:53,984 Hey, just one quick picture, huh? 283 00:15:54,052 --> 00:15:56,520 Now, Barney, no pictures, huh? No, no, it's all right. 284 00:15:56,588 --> 00:15:59,089 Oh, yeah? All right. Hold it. 285 00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:06,797 Hello, Mr. Davis, this is Mrs. haskell and her daughter. 286 00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:09,166 I'll take it from here. 287 00:16:11,903 --> 00:16:15,539 Go, Clarissa. Salute! 288 00:16:15,607 --> 00:16:18,275 She's only been studying for six months. 289 00:16:18,342 --> 00:16:21,612 We don't want no Fred mack amateur hour around here! 290 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,147 If you give her a chance, you'll love her! I just know it! 291 00:16:24,215 --> 00:16:26,183 Get out of here! Mom! 292 00:16:27,652 --> 00:16:29,753 [ Yells, indistinct ] 293 00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:33,891 Wait! Mrs. haskell! You forgot your floor! 294 00:16:37,261 --> 00:16:40,397 Yeah. Hey, and now I'd like to propose a toast. 295 00:16:40,465 --> 00:16:44,101 Uh-huh. To the greatest entertainer in the world. 296 00:16:44,168 --> 00:16:47,471 And to the man who gave me the opportunity of meeting him face to face, 297 00:16:47,538 --> 00:16:50,373 my good friend and neighbor, Archie bunker. 298 00:16:50,441 --> 00:16:53,543 Hey, that ain't a bad toast, Barney. I can drink to that one myself. 299 00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:57,047 I'm Barney Hefner. I live across the street-- the house with the new porch. 300 00:16:57,115 --> 00:16:59,449 Oh, yeah. 301 00:16:59,517 --> 00:17:02,052 And not only the greatest entertainer in the world, 302 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,956 but a man who proved there is good and bad in all races. 303 00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:08,458 [ Barney ] Right. I'll drink to that. 304 00:17:10,595 --> 00:17:13,296 And to friendship. [ Archie ] You hear that, huh? 305 00:17:13,364 --> 00:17:15,666 Isn't that nice? "Friendship." I'll drink to that myself. 306 00:17:25,844 --> 00:17:28,012 What are you looking at, Barney? 307 00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:31,815 You're done now. Get the hell out of here! You're cranky today, Archie. 308 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:35,819 There he is! It's really him! 309 00:17:35,887 --> 00:17:40,090 Oh, and you're just as cute as you look on television. 310 00:17:43,061 --> 00:17:45,195 God bless you. Thank you. 311 00:17:45,263 --> 00:17:48,431 I don't want to take up any more of your time. I just came to look at you. 312 00:17:48,499 --> 00:17:50,701 Thank you. And I'm looking at you. 313 00:17:50,769 --> 00:17:52,770 Look at you! 314 00:17:52,837 --> 00:17:54,872 Now, I want to say this right, Mr. Davis. 315 00:17:54,939 --> 00:17:57,141 Shalom l'Chaim. 316 00:18:01,079 --> 00:18:03,847 And l'Chaim shalom. 317 00:18:03,915 --> 00:18:06,516 Oh, Mr. Davis! My goodness! 318 00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:09,319 Oh, Sammy Davis Jr.! 319 00:18:16,695 --> 00:18:19,529 You know, Sammy, them words I just heard you saying here, 320 00:18:19,597 --> 00:18:22,099 they reminded me of something that I always wanted to ask you. 321 00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:24,101 Yes, arch? Yeah, now, 322 00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:27,037 you're being colored, well, I know you had no choice in that. 323 00:18:30,909 --> 00:18:32,910 But whatever made you turn Jew? 324 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:38,415 Smile, everybody. 325 00:18:38,482 --> 00:18:41,318 Ah, come on, Barney? What are you doing? I thought you went home. 326 00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:43,386 You're turning my house into a peep show. 327 00:18:43,454 --> 00:18:48,158 I'm sorry, Mr. Davis. Sometimes my father says the wrong things. 328 00:18:48,226 --> 00:18:50,260 Yeah, I've noticed that. 329 00:18:50,328 --> 00:18:52,996 But he's not a bad guy, Mr. Davis. I mean, like, 330 00:18:53,064 --> 00:18:55,065 he'd never burn a cross on your lawn. 331 00:18:55,133 --> 00:19:00,370 No, but if he saw one burning, he's liable to toast a marshmallow on it. 332 00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:04,775 Ha-ha-ha-ha-- right on! 333 00:19:06,344 --> 00:19:08,678 This is your fault, Edith. 334 00:19:08,747 --> 00:19:11,915 I had to throw Barney Hefner out of here. Oh, Sammy, 335 00:19:11,983 --> 00:19:14,918 yes? I was just remembering the last time I seen you on tv. 336 00:19:14,986 --> 00:19:17,087 It was on the Johnny Carson show. Oh, yeah. 337 00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:19,356 You was on with that there, uh, Raquel Walsh. 338 00:19:19,423 --> 00:19:22,292 - Yeah. Remember, Edith? - Oh, yeah. I remember. 339 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:25,963 Oh, you were so sweet to her, Mr. Davis. Oh, thank you. 340 00:19:26,030 --> 00:19:28,866 Archie said he never thought he'd see the day... 341 00:19:28,933 --> 00:19:32,970 When coloreds and whites would be hugging and kissing coast to coast. 342 00:19:40,779 --> 00:19:45,048 When I ask you a question, why can't you just say "yeah" and stop? 343 00:19:45,116 --> 00:19:47,918 Now, will you sit over there, huh? 344 00:19:47,986 --> 00:19:50,287 And don't say nothin' till you're asked. 345 00:19:50,354 --> 00:19:54,357 Sammy, she takes everything I say out of context, see, 'cause what I really meant was-- 346 00:19:54,425 --> 00:19:57,761 I know what you mean, Archie, but you see, it's not me. 347 00:19:57,829 --> 00:20:01,298 See, they put a kissing clause in my contract. 348 00:20:01,365 --> 00:20:04,902 Huh? Well, you see, it's those white celebrities. 349 00:20:04,969 --> 00:20:07,404 Well, this year we're in, 350 00:20:07,471 --> 00:20:09,840 so they all want to jump on the bandwagon. 351 00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:18,916 You mean to tell me the networks force you... 352 00:20:18,983 --> 00:20:21,084 To kiss against your will? 353 00:20:21,152 --> 00:20:24,521 Well, what are you gonna do? 354 00:20:24,588 --> 00:20:27,991 Well, that ain't right, Sam. I mean, you know-- 355 00:20:28,059 --> 00:20:32,863 I mean, gee, to force the races to intersex that way on the air? 356 00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:40,437 No prejudice intended, but I always check with the Bible on these here things. 357 00:20:40,504 --> 00:20:43,340 Oh. Yeah. I think that if God had meant us... 358 00:20:43,407 --> 00:20:45,508 To be together, he'd have put us together. 359 00:20:45,576 --> 00:20:48,145 But look what he done. He put you over in Africa, 360 00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:51,181 he put the rest of us in all the white countries. 361 00:20:57,055 --> 00:20:59,056 Well, you must have told him where we were, 362 00:20:59,123 --> 00:21:01,691 'cause somebody came and got us. 363 00:21:08,666 --> 00:21:11,869 I mean, uh, there was work for us. 364 00:21:13,137 --> 00:21:15,239 I mean, and, uh, how could you resist? 365 00:21:15,306 --> 00:21:19,009 Free transportation, room, board, chains. 366 00:21:21,346 --> 00:21:24,248 I think you're talking about slavery there, Sammy. 367 00:21:24,315 --> 00:21:28,785 I want to tell you that I was always dead set against slavery. 368 00:21:28,853 --> 00:21:34,391 ♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪ 369 00:21:34,458 --> 00:21:36,659 ♪ glory, glory hallelujah ♪ what are you doing? 370 00:21:36,727 --> 00:21:41,064 We're having a conversation over-- pull the plug on that! 371 00:21:41,132 --> 00:21:43,200 You see what goes on around here, Sammy? 372 00:21:43,268 --> 00:21:48,005 Every time I start to have a serious conversation, these kids go crazy. 373 00:21:48,072 --> 00:21:51,608 Another thing they're always doing to me, they're always telling me I'm prejudiced. 374 00:21:51,675 --> 00:21:54,477 Now, listen. You're a guy that's been around a lot. 375 00:21:54,545 --> 00:21:56,846 You've seen a lot of people and you know a lot, see? Yeah? 376 00:21:56,915 --> 00:21:59,216 Now, you look at me. You figure me for a prejudiced guy? 377 00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:01,251 Oh, Archie, you don't tell me... 378 00:22:01,319 --> 00:22:03,486 You're really paying attention to those young kids. 379 00:22:03,554 --> 00:22:07,157 What do they know. I mean, you, prejudiced? 380 00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:10,327 Look, if you were prejudiced, Archie, when I came into your house, 381 00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:12,896 you would have called me a coon or a nigger. 382 00:22:12,964 --> 00:22:15,698 But you didn't say that. I heard you clear as a bell. 383 00:22:15,766 --> 00:22:18,168 Right straight out, you said, "colored." 384 00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:23,907 Yeah, that's what I done, all right. 385 00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:26,977 And if you were prejudiced, you would, like some people, close their eyes... 386 00:22:27,045 --> 00:22:29,712 To what's going on in this great country that we live in. 387 00:22:29,780 --> 00:22:32,115 But not you, Archie. Your eyes are wide open. 388 00:22:32,183 --> 00:22:35,685 You can tell the difference between black and white. 389 00:22:35,753 --> 00:22:38,989 And I have a deep-rooted feeling that you'll always be able... 390 00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:41,724 To tell the difference between black and white. 391 00:22:43,261 --> 00:22:45,295 And if you were prejudiced, you'd walk around thinking... 392 00:22:45,363 --> 00:22:47,797 That you're better than anybody else in the world. 393 00:22:47,865 --> 00:22:51,368 But I can honestly say, having spent these marvelous moments with you, 394 00:22:51,436 --> 00:22:53,736 you ain't better than anybody. 395 00:23:01,879 --> 00:23:05,882 Can I have your hand on that, Sam? Yes, sir. 396 00:23:05,950 --> 00:23:08,452 And I hope youse all heard that over there. 397 00:23:08,519 --> 00:23:12,322 That comes straight from Sammy Davis Jr., "Mr. wonderful" himself. 398 00:23:12,390 --> 00:23:15,658 And that should prove to you once and for all that I ain't prejudiced. 399 00:23:15,726 --> 00:23:20,630 ♪ His truth goes marching on ♪ 400 00:23:20,698 --> 00:23:23,900 you see that? You can't learn 'em nothing. [ Doorbell rings ] 401 00:23:23,968 --> 00:23:26,069 There's munson with the briefcase now, there, Sammy. 402 00:23:26,137 --> 00:23:28,438 I'll let him right in. 403 00:23:28,506 --> 00:23:30,874 Hi, arch. Munson, we were waiting for you. Where were you? 404 00:23:30,941 --> 00:23:33,543 I'm sorry I took so long, arch, but I bumped into Barney Hefner with his camera, 405 00:23:33,611 --> 00:23:36,046 so naturally, I had to go back and get mine. Oh, geez. 406 00:23:36,114 --> 00:23:38,248 Mr. Davis, this is an unexpected pleasure. 407 00:23:38,316 --> 00:23:40,717 My pleasure. Thank you very much. Can I get a picture? 408 00:23:40,784 --> 00:23:43,353 Come on, munson. No pictures. Oh, no. 409 00:23:43,421 --> 00:23:45,688 Mr. munson, would you stand over there? I want one picture taken.... 410 00:23:45,756 --> 00:23:47,891 With Archie bunker, my friend, and me. You and me? 411 00:23:47,958 --> 00:23:51,495 Yes. Now, on three, okay? One, two, three. 412 00:23:58,302 --> 00:24:00,904 Good-bye, Mrs. bunker. Peace and love. Bye, now. 413 00:24:17,755 --> 00:24:19,689 Well-- 414 00:24:19,757 --> 00:24:22,559 what the hell. He said it was in his contract. 415 00:24:30,068 --> 00:24:32,835 Archie, here's an envelope for you... 416 00:24:32,903 --> 00:24:35,505 From Hollywood from Sammy Davis Jr. 417 00:24:35,573 --> 00:24:38,641 Oh, hey, great! Come on, arch! Open it up! 418 00:24:38,709 --> 00:24:41,378 All right. All right. I'm opening it. 419 00:24:41,446 --> 00:24:44,481 Can't youse curdle down your excitement a little bit here? 420 00:24:44,549 --> 00:24:47,617 Let's see what we got here. Oh! Oh! 421 00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:51,621 Hey. That's the picture of Sammy Davis you're looking at. 422 00:24:51,689 --> 00:24:56,359 And look what he writes here. No, meathead, you read it! 423 00:24:56,427 --> 00:25:00,029 "To Archie bunker, the whitest guy I know." 424 00:25:19,683 --> 00:25:23,786 [ Announcer ] All in the family was recorded on tape before a live audience. 425 00:25:23,836 --> 00:25:28,386 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0